paroxysm

See Me

Do you see what is the colour of the sky?
Do you see the shape of the clouds above?
I don’t know if the heart controls the weather or weather controls the heart.

It’s been days and full of greys.
It’s cold.
Freezing.
Rain has been pouring,
And rain… is how much the tears have been streaming down my face.
Rain show you the sorrow,
While thunder is a proof of rage, agony and a heart shattered

You wanted to see me, and now you see me.
The emotion I have always concealed,
I have the nature to show you.

Wattpad & Storial review

Wattpad Review: Senandung di Kota Bandung-Tiyas Puspita Sari

Synopsis:
Karena tidak lulus SMA, Gishara Aluna yang nakalnya keterlaluan dikirim Papinya untuk kembali mengulang satu tahun SMAnya, di Bandung. Di rumah kerabat Papinya, Gisha kembali memulai tahun terakhir SMAnya dan berharap bisa lulus kali ini.

Gisha yang nakal, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang perfeksionis.
Gisha yang bodoh, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang jenius.
Gisha yang cerewet, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang sedingin es di kutub.

Gisha yang punya pengalaman buruk dengan laki-laki, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang ternyata bisa menjadi orang yang sangat peduli.
Gisha yang mulai membuka hatinya, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang memiliki pengalaman buruk dengan seorang perempuan.

Di atap yang sama, mereka mulai dekat. Gisha yang awalnya marah karena harus pindah ke Bandung, mulai menikmati harinya di sana.

Karena, siapa yang tidak akan jatuh cinta dengan Bandung? Atau ..siapa yang tidak akan jatuh cinta di Bandung? (Wattpad)

My Thoughts:
It is one of the best teenlit novels published in Wattpad. The story was simple but meaningful and less dramatic. The author managed to set the character to be mature while facing the conflict. Moreover, the resolution was indeed wise enough for teenagers.

Gishara Aluna was transferred to Bandung by her parents to retake the class of grade 12. Gisha was pictured as a rebel. She wasn’t good at school, it made her fail to graduate for the second time. She was pretty and there was an impression that she had been spoiled by her parents because she didn’t like to take public transportation to travel. 

In Bandung, Gisha lived with the family of her parents’ best friend’s. There, she met Angkasa Dirgantara, the second lead of the story. Angkasa was the golden boy in the family as well as in their school. He was handsome, cool, smart, and he could do anything, such as playing piano, doing sports, but swimming. He might look ignorant, but he cared about the ones he loved.

At the beginning, both of them were like enemies. Gisha disliked Angkasa because he was way too perfect and he wasn’t friendly. Meanwhile, Angkasa was irritated by her clumsiness. And just like a typical romance story, they eventually developed a special attraction along their interaction. By the time, Angkasa finally found that Gisha had a terrible experience that changed her personality and he gradually saw her differently.

I like the personalities of Gishara and Angkasa, as the story leaders. They had their own perfections as well as weaknesses. Most importantly, I love how Angkasa gave a birthday surprise for Gishara in “Nineteen Reasons Why You Should Love Me.” In my view, that was the cherry on top of the story and I finally found the reason why this is called “Senandung di Kota Bandung.” Just like music notes, There were ups and downs for both leading characters, but it became such an impressive melody in the end.

As a closing, I’m going to post the beautiful poem written by Angkasa:

Pagi yang sama.
Yang membuncahkan damba.
Yang menguatkan setia untuk orang yang paling sering kusebut ketika berdoa.
Kamu, adalah ketidakpastian yang begitu nyata.
Kamu, adalah kenyataan yang tak bisa kuhadirkan dalam ruang dialegtika.

Kamu adalah lelahku menatap.
Diamku berucap.
Serta, habisku berharap.

Kini, biarkan pagi ini menjadi hakiki.
Hak di mana hatiku tak akan pernah kau sakiti lagi.
Meskipun hanya satu kali.

Dari aku,
Serpihan kisah masa lalumu, yang tak mau lagi dirundung pilu.

Book Review

Book Review: Finding Audrey – Sophie Kinsella

304 pages
Published: May 2016
Publisher: Ember
Genre: Teenlit, Mental Health, Romance

Synopsys:
Audrey wears dark glasses all the time, even in the house. She almost never goes out, doesn’t talk to new people, and finds making eye contact to be nearly impossible.
 
But then one day she meets Linus. Linus is her brother’s friend and a sensitive spirit with whom she can talk through her fears. He makes her laugh and doesn’t leave her feeling like she’s being judged. As their friendship deepens, Audrey’s recovery gains momentum, and she and Linus begin to develop feelings for each other. But how can they have a future together when Audrey hasn’t dealt with her past? And how could anyone ever love her once they’ve seen her at her worst?

My Thought:
There was something wrong with Audrey. She always wore sunglasses, even when she was home. She didn’t like to socialize because people scared her. She was even scared to have eye contact with her family members, such as her parents and Frank, the oldest child of the family. The only person whose most comfortable to communicate with was her younger brother, Felix.

Audrey’s condition was intriguing. One day, Frank’s friend, Linus, came and his sudden appearance freaked her out. It was like she met a ghost in the middle of the day. It turned out that she had a trauma and suffered from social anxiety disorder. Audrey had been visiting the therapist for months since “the incident” and she hadn’t recovered yet. Thus, in order to improve the condition, Dr. Sarah, her therapist, finally gave her some tasks. It started from creating documentary videos to encourage herself going outside and meeting people.

Fortunately, although Linus was shocked by Audrey’s reaction, he was very considerate and understood her. He started slowly approaching her and helped Audrey going along with the therapeutic tasks, which of course with some little improvisation. The results was satisfying. On the other hand, it was also dangerous because Audrey thought she had fully recovered while she was actually still fragile.

Reading “Finding Audrey” was the journey of looking for the reason why Audrey experienced this trauma as well as the journey to heal herself. In the story plot there were some pieces of Audrey’s past, but at the same time they were blur to me. Audrey obviously experienced bullying at school, but what was it exactly? Did she badly injured? Did she phisically harmed, too? What happened after the incident? This book left me some questions, but there was no answer.

Nevertheless, I like the humour of the story, the typical of Shopie Kinsella. I also love the interaction between Audrey and Linus. Felix was also an additional entertainment in the story with his funny remarks. However, there were also some parts which irritated me as well when it involved Anne, the mother.

Her mother was very annoying. She was too dramatic and paranoid. The worst, she was very bossy and I agree with Audrey’s description of her, which she gave her mother double titles of bossiness. It was pictured during Anne’s interaction with Frank and her husband. I would have left home forever If I were her kid. However, her transformation was nice at the end and you might see that Anne had sacrificed much for her family, too.

I also learned that it’s OK to experience up and down during the mental disorder recovery. As someone who experienced a traumatic accident, I understood Audrey’s fears. I have also been as frustrated as her at the thought of being trapped in the situation forever. Finishing this story made me realize that It’s OK if you are still scared and making no progress at the moment. It’s totally fine if one day you feel that you’ve overcome your nightmare, but the next moment it’s re-chasing after you. And when you are tired, it’s ok to make a stop. As long as you are moving forward, as long as you are trying, then eventually you’ll see the significant progress you have made.

As a closing, I’m going to share some meaningful quotes during the reading:

It won’t be forever. You’ll be in the dark for as long as it takes and then you’ll come out.

No one said getting better would be a straightforward journey. Remember our graph? You’ll go up and you’ll fo down. But your progress will be in the right direction. It is in the right direction. You’ve come along way

You don’t need to know every something in the world, Audrey

paroxysm

Gone

Perhaps
You were just a spark
To lit the darkness for a moment

Just like fireworks
Which is bright
Full of colors
Beautiful
Enchanting

But once it explode
It will be just it

Boom!
Then.. it’s gone.

paroxysm

Menunggu

Aku menunggu
Walau ku tahu percuma
Aku menunggu
Walau ku tahu ini menyiksa

Usai sudah

Memang seperti itu peraturannya
Yang datang, takkan pernah menetap
Yang masuk, hanya untuk singgah
Yang tinggal, hanya memuaskan rasa dahaga

Namun, aku tetap menunggu
Walau ku tahu ini salah
Aku menunggu dengan harapan semu yang ku ciptakan sendiri

Aku menunggu

Menunggu

Dan menunggu
Di ruang hampa yang semakin berdebu

paroxysm

Demi Kamu

Demi kamu
Ku seberangi zona waktu yang berbahaya bagiku

Demi kamu
Ku lewati jalan curam dan berbatu

Demi kamu
Ku abaikan logika yang kerap berteriak hingga tersedu

Demu kamu
Ku langkahi dimensi tanpa peduli sakitnya tercabik oleh batas koordinat.
Ku tak peduli akan partikel yang berlawanan dengan ruang asalku.

Demi kamu
Ku nikmati rasa manis yang kau suguhkan
Tanpa kau tahu betapa perih dan beracunnya itu

Demi kamu
Ku tak bedakan lagi hitam dan putih
Panjang dan pendek
Luas dan sempit, serta
Dalam dan dangkal hidup ini

Demi kamu
Aku buta dan gagu

paroxysm

Bomb

I knew that,
you are full of risk since the begining
I knew that,
I will be hurt
Even when you are not trying to
Or… perhaps,
you already did from the very first time?

You are the ticking bomb
That might explode anytime
But, I didn’t know that
It’ll be so soon