paroxysm

Gone

Perhaps
You were just a spark
To lit the darkness for a moment

Just like fireworks
Which is bright
Full of colors
Beautiful
Enchanting

But once it explode
It will be just it

Boom!
Then.. it’s gone.

paroxysm

Menunggu

Aku menunggu
Walau ku tahu percuma
Aku menunggu
Walau ku tahu ini menyiksa

Usai sudah

Memang seperti itu peraturannya
Yang datang, takkan pernah menetap
Yang masuk, hanya untuk singgah
Yang tinggal, hanya memuaskan rasa dahaga

Namun, aku tetap menunggu
Walau ku tahu ini salah
Aku menunggu dengan harapan semu yang ku ciptakan sendiri

Aku menunggu

Menunggu

Dan menunggu
Di ruang hampa yang semakin berdebu

paroxysm

Demi Kamu

Demi kamu
Ku seberangi zona waktu yang berbahaya bagiku

Demi kamu
Ku lewati jalan curam dan berbatu

Demi kamu
Ku abaikan logika yang kerap berteriak hingga tersedu

Demu kamu
Ku langkahi dimensi tanpa peduli sakitnya tercabik oleh batas koordinat.
Ku tak peduli akan partikel yang berlawanan dengan ruang asalku.

Demi kamu
Ku nikmati rasa manis yang kau suguhkan
Tanpa kau tahu betapa perih dan beracunnya itu

Demi kamu
Ku tak bedakan lagi hitam dan putih
Panjang dan pendek
Luas dan sempit, serta
Dalam dan dangkal hidup ini

Demi kamu
Aku buta dan gagu

paroxysm

Bomb

I knew that,
you are full of risk since the begining
I knew that,
I will be hurt
Even when you are not trying to
Or… perhaps,
you already did from the very first time?

You are the ticking bomb
That might explode anytime
But, I didn’t know that
It’ll be so soon

Wonder

I Know Nothing about Love

I used to think what is the use, for people out there, studying relationship? Why they learn about human intimacy, love, marriage, even they made a research about it?

Yes. I once thought about it, then it’s forgotten. However, now I’ve just gotten the answer after reading a foreword in Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix. I know now the reason why people study and researching human relationship is to teach people like me – who don’t understand relationship and know nothing about, as well as, what I need to do to love.

They study in order to teach people like me to start from a scratch. How funny it is that I need a Doctor and therapist to help me.

Wonder

Old wishes

It’s funny when your old wish has just granted now, when you’re actually desired for something else. It is even funnier, when this gift is also the answer of another three old wishfull thinkings at the same time.

Should or shouldn’t I be happy? Is this the right time? Is this a bless?

Or… is it because a little hope I unconsciously put in this bet – on this critical moment , when I was feeling hopeless at the same time?