Me, Myself, and I

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When I was listening to music before I fall asleep, something popped up in my mind. Before it’s gone and I can’t remember anything, I decided to write it down immediately.

 

I still remember what Kim – Kim said in my instagram 2 years ago: I didn’t change. I also still remember what my aunt said when she mad at me a couple months ago: I have never change. It means, I have never grown up. I’m still like a kid, like a junior and senior high school version of Metta.

I’m childish, I’m hypersensitive, I’m straightforward. I have no ability to chit – chatting. I don’t have a smart mouth to get people’s attention. I say what I think. I express what I feel. What I wanted to say is not about me. The point is, it doesn’t mean that I can’t change myself. I don’t want to. It doesn’t mean that I want to be like this. The weirdo of the family and all. Sometimes I envied people and i want to be like them. Then I realized, I can’t. Nobody’s perfect in this world. Everybody made mistakes. Everybody has bad habits, negative sides but also positive sides. I can’t and I don’t want to change because I had discovered who I really am and I’m comfortable with her. I always remember the quote I found, it said “Because normal is boring.” and I always recall it every time I started feeling bad about myself.

Like I said before, If you really want me to change means you will lose me. Are you ready for that? Do you want that?

Written

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I still remember what Dee Lestari said yesterday “Writing makes a space between you and your problems.” What I understood about it was writing helps you throwing away your negative minds and emotions from yourself. It is like a friend who listen to you. It is right that people just want to be listened, whether they are happy, sad, angry, etc. When I can’t tell my problems to a person, I write them.

After I think about Dee’s words, I realized those are right. I recalled my problems of the ┬ápast. When I did it, I realized that I didn’t have those emotions anymore. It’s like I had let it go but I didn’t realize it.

Not Just You by Cody Simpson

it’s not just you
You know it hurts me too
Watching you leave
With tears on your sleeve
Notice that mine aren’t exactly dry

it’s not just you
That’s hurting
It’s me too