When I was listening to music before I fall asleep, something popped up in my mind. Before it’s gone and I can’t remember anything, I decided to write it down immediately.
I still remember what Kim – Kim said in my instagram 2 years ago: I didn’t change. I also still remember what my aunt said when she mad at me a couple months ago: I have never change. It means, I have never grown up. I’m still like a kid, like a junior and senior high school version of Metta.
I’m childish, I’m hypersensitive, I’m straightforward. I have no ability to chit – chatting. I don’t have a smart mouth to get people’s attention. I say what I think. I express what I feel. What I wanted to say is not about me. The point is, it doesn’t mean that I can’t change myself. I don’t want to. It doesn’t mean that I want to be like this. The weirdo of the family and all. Sometimes I envied people and i want to be like them. Then I realized, I can’t. Nobody’s perfect in this world. Everybody made mistakes. Everybody has bad habits, negative sides but also positive sides. I can’t and I don’t want to change because I had discovered who I really am and I’m comfortable with her. I always remember the quote I found, it said “Because normal is boring.” and I always recall it every time I started feeling bad about myself.
Like I said before, If you really want me to change means you will lose me. Are you ready for that? Do you want that?