This year might be tough. I need to deal with my personal issues; running back and forth to various hospitals, checking this and that; struggling with my work; and many more
But, despite the struggle. I’m glad that I finally got a chance to meet my old friends. Starting my project even if it’s still not that productive. I finally moved back to Tangerang, and what even funnier is I dreamt of having an apartment unit and here I am, although it’s just rent.
Once Morra Quatro said, sometimes something happens when we give in. From the early 2020s until the end of this year, I can say that God has granted me my old wishes and dreams, or even it was just daydreams when I don’t think about them anymore. I even have forgotten about some of them.
If you wonder whether I made a resolution, I didn’t. I used to make some, but I stopped because my expectations hurt me. And sometimes it hurt a lot. So, I just let it be. Go with the wind. Que sera sera a.k.a terserah.
I just do the things that catch my interest and If I want try something new, I just do it. If I find it’s not like what I’ve anticipated, I don’t mind stopping. What’s the point of wasting my time on something unnecessary? If I see an opportunity, then I take the chance. If I’ve failed, so what? Because I believe God knows best for me or maybe it’s not the time yet. If something is meant to be mine, then I’ll eventually get it.
Just like Mitch Alboom said, it’s never too late or too soon. It’s when it’s supposed to be.
Twenty-something. These are the ages of fear, insecurity, overthinking, depression, heartbreak, loss.. but also full of joy, happiness, and blessing.
You tried things and you failed. You got something you don’t like. You put your best effort to get something you want, but it was still not good enough. You got something you wanted so bad when you’ve already let it go years ago. You got something unexpected, good and bad. You built your dream, but it’s crumbled. You did something for fun, but unexpectedly it brought you a fortune. You run and stumble. You rose again but fell into a dark pit. You stuck for a long time and gave up. After some time, you decide to retry.
I wonder why people like to play roller coasters while life is the roller coaster itself. They find it’s fun, but I don’t see it’s fun at all. For most people, living this decade is frustrating because you and your surroundings put high expectations on you. They expect you to have great careers, wealth, houses, cars, spouses, and children at the same time. It doesn’t make sense right? Even Bandung Bondowoso failed to build 1000 temples with some spiritual assistance.
But at the very end of twenty-something, I finally learned to overcome those insecurities. I’m aware that each person has his/her timing, talent, purpose, and preference. People have their definition of success and their timeline. It’s when it is supposed to be.
Whatever and whoever’s meant to be yours, will be always yours. Likewise, whatever and whoever is not destined to you will be taken back in any way. If it’s not now, perhaps it’s in the future.
Do you see the colour of the sky? Do you see the shape of the clouds? I don’t know if the heart controls the weather or weather controls the heart.
It’s been days and full of greys. It’s cold. Freezing. Rain has been pouring, the tears have been streaming down my face. Rain show you the sorrow, While thunder is a proof of rage, agony and a heart shattered
You wanted to see me, and now you see me. The emotion I have always concealed, I have the nature to show you.
Synopsis: Karena tidak lulus SMA, Gishara Aluna yang nakalnya keterlaluan dikirim Papinya untuk kembali mengulang satu tahun SMAnya, di Bandung. Di rumah kerabat Papinya, Gisha kembali memulai tahun terakhir SMAnya dan berharap bisa lulus kali ini.
Gisha yang nakal, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang perfeksionis. Gisha yang bodoh, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang jenius. Gisha yang cerewet, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang sedingin es di kutub.
Gisha yang punya pengalaman buruk dengan laki-laki, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang ternyata bisa menjadi orang yang sangat peduli. Gisha yang mulai membuka hatinya, bertemu dengan Angkasa yang memiliki pengalaman buruk dengan seorang perempuan.
Di atap yang sama, mereka mulai dekat. Gisha yang awalnya marah karena harus pindah ke Bandung, mulai menikmati harinya di sana.
Karena, siapa yang tidak akan jatuh cinta dengan Bandung? Atau ..siapa yang tidak akan jatuh cinta di Bandung? (Wattpad)
My Thoughts: It is one of the best teenlit novels published in Wattpad. The story was simple but meaningful and less dramatic. The author managed to set the character to be mature while facing the conflict. Moreover, the resolution was indeed wise enough for teenagers.
Gishara Aluna was transferred to Bandung by her parents to retake the class of grade 12. Gisha was pictured as a rebel. She wasn’t good at school, it made her fail to graduate for the second time. She was pretty and there was an impression that she had been spoiled by her parents because she didn’t like to take public transportation to travel.
In Bandung, Gisha lived with the family of her parents’ best friend’s. There, she met Angkasa Dirgantara, the second lead of the story. Angkasa was the golden boy in the family as well as in their school. He was handsome, cool, smart, and he could do anything, such as playing piano, doing sports, but swimming. He might look ignorant, but he cared about the ones he loved.
At the beginning, both of them were like enemies. Gisha disliked Angkasa because he was way too perfect and he wasn’t friendly. Meanwhile, Angkasa was irritated by her clumsiness. And just like a typical romance story, they eventually developed a special attraction along their interaction. By the time, Angkasa finally found that Gisha had a terrible experience that changed her personality and he gradually saw her differently.
I like the personalities of Gishara and Angkasa, as the story leaders. They had their own perfections as well as weaknesses. Most importantly, I love how Angkasa gave a birthday surprise for Gishara in “Nineteen Reasons Why You Should Love Me.” In my view, that was the cherry on top of the story and I finally found the reason why this is called “Senandung di Kota Bandung.” Just like music notes, There were ups and downs for both leading characters, but it became such an impressive melody in the end.
As a closing, I’m going to post the beautiful poem written by Angkasa:
Pagi yang sama. Yang membuncahkan damba. Yang menguatkan setia untuk orang yang paling sering kusebut ketika berdoa. Kamu, adalah ketidakpastian yang begitu nyata. Kamu, adalah kenyataan yang tak bisa kuhadirkan dalam ruang dialegtika.
Kamu adalah lelahku menatap. Diamku berucap. Serta, habisku berharap.
Kini, biarkan pagi ini menjadi hakiki. Hak di mana hatiku tak akan pernah kau sakiti lagi. Meskipun hanya satu kali.
Dari aku, Serpihan kisah masa lalumu, yang tak mau lagi dirundung pilu.
304 pages Published: May 2016 Publisher: Ember Genre: Teenlit, Mental Health, Romance
Synopsys: Audrey wears dark glasses all the time, even in the house. She almost never goes out, doesn’t talk to new people, and finds making eye contact to be nearly impossible.
But then one day she meets Linus. Linus is her brother’s friend and a sensitive spirit with whom she can talk through her fears. He makes her laugh and doesn’t leave her feeling like she’s being judged. As their friendship deepens, Audrey’s recovery gains momentum, and she and Linus begin to develop feelings for each other. But how can they have a future together when Audrey hasn’t dealt with her past? And how could anyone ever love her once they’ve seen her at her worst?
My Thought: There was something wrong with Audrey. She always wore sunglasses, even when she was home. She didn’t like to socialize because people scared her. She was even scared to have eye contact with her family members, such as her parents and Frank, the oldest child of the family. The only person whose most comfortable to communicate with was her younger brother, Felix.
Audrey’s condition was intriguing. One day, Frank’s friend, Linus, came and his sudden appearance freaked her out. It was like she met a ghost in the middle of the day. It turned out that she had a trauma and suffered from social anxiety disorder. Audrey had been visiting the therapist for months since “the incident” and she hadn’t recovered yet. Thus, in order to improve the condition, Dr. Sarah, her therapist, finally gave her some tasks. It started from creating documentary videos to encourage herself going outside and meeting people.
Fortunately, although Linus was shocked by Audrey’s reaction, he was very considerate and understood her. He started slowly approaching her and helped Audrey going along with the therapeutic tasks, which of course with some little improvisation. The results was satisfying. On the other hand, it was also dangerous because Audrey thought she had fully recovered while she was actually still fragile.
Reading “Finding Audrey” was the journey of looking for the reason why Audrey experienced this trauma as well as the journey to heal herself. In the story plot there were some pieces of Audrey’s past, but at the same time they were blur to me. Audrey obviously experienced bullying at school, but what was it exactly? Did she badly injured? Did she phisically harmed, too? What happened after the incident? This book left me some questions, but there was no answer.
Nevertheless, I like the humour of the story, the typical of Shopie Kinsella. I also love the interaction between Audrey and Linus. Felix was also an additional entertainment in the story with his funny remarks. However, there were also some parts which irritated me as well when it involved Anne, the mother.
Her mother was very annoying. She was too dramatic and paranoid. The worst, she was very bossy and I agree with Audrey’s description of her, which she gave her mother double titles of bossiness. It was pictured during Anne’s interaction with Frank and her husband. I would have left home forever If I were her kid. However, her transformation was nice at the end and you might see that Anne had sacrificed much for her family, too.
I also learned that it’s OK to experience up and down during the mental disorder recovery. As someone who experienced a traumatic accident, I understood Audrey’s fears. I have also been as frustrated as her at the thought of being trapped in the situation forever. Finishing this story made me realize that It’s OK if you are still scared and making no progress at the moment. It’s totally fine if one day you feel that you’ve overcome your nightmare, but the next moment it’s re-chasing after you. And when you are tired, it’s ok to make a stop. As long as you are moving forward, as long as you are trying, then eventually you’ll see the significant progress you have made.
As a closing, I’m going to share some meaningful quotes during the reading:
It won’t be forever. You’ll be in the dark for as long as it takes and then you’ll come out.
No one said getting better would be a straightforward journey. Remember our graph? You’ll go up and you’ll fo down. But your progress will be in the right direction. It is in the right direction. You’ve come along way
You don’t need to know every something in the world, Audrey
I knew that, you are full of risk since the begining I knew that, I will be hurt Even when you are not trying to Or… perhaps, you already did from the very first time?
You are the ticking bomb That might explode anytime But, I didn’t know that It’ll be so soon
Clair de lune 